my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I forgot wine drunk hurts
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
