Please, let me fuck your mom
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
