The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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