I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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