I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Do vagina's smell?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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