just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
