You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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