hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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