There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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