my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Randomize
