Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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