1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize