yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
