YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
