just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
