five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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