Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
This house was built for laser tag.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
