i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
