u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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