I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
