you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
