"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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