I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
