It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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