My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
