Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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