My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
