Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
