Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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