How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
