Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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