I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
