i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
