I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
