So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
