i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
