dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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