I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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