We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
