It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
