she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
