i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
