Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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