thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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