Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I understand Curling. That high.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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