I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
