Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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