I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
PANTIES FOUND
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