I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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