its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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