CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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