my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
