Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
