Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
