I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
