Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
