Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
