This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
