What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
