In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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