Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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