my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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