What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
