you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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