dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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