i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
