I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
