What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
