There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Someone signed my nipple.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
