woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
