I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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