I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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