just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
