broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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