I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize