so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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