Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
