every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
