when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
