Whod you bang
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
