I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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