I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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