she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
