we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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