So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
