just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
