is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
