Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
