i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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