The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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