I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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