I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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