There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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